In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
