Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
