I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
