also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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