I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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