I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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