I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
