And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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