believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
