Betty ford says i'm here all night
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
