Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
