I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
