you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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