That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
