he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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