why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
