im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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