If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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