You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
