I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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