Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize