the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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