Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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