you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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