This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
