we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm like, not good at living.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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