If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
