Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
