the new term for farting is butt boxing.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
