you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
