Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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