turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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