I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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