We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
