you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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