it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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