a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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