eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Bring me that man meat
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
