I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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