We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
