I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The best revenge is premature balding
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
