i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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