Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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