you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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