Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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