the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
