im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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