I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
This girl is more easily done than said...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
