i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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