when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
