im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
