i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
