remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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