Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
