can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
