don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
