I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
