So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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