Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just cropdusted the office
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit