Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.