I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin