Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
