It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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