I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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