your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
