Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
