There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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